Risky Business: The Boss’ Spouse

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, even to my own detriment. I believe people are mainly good, so I’m rarely suspicious. This was until I went to therapy and realized I had lost faith in my instincts after a decade of gaslighting (those stories to come). During this particular story of deception, I was relearning how to listen to my gut. There was a little voice at the back of my mind, quietly nudging me, but I took The Spouse at face value. I didn’t think a Christian could be so sneaky.

Honestly, after being in the church for most of my life, you think I would have known better!

Let’s dig in.

I had recently started a new job and was adapting to the office dynamics I found myself in. What I was beginning to learn is that under all the smiles, pleasantries, and prayerful mindsets was an underlying tone of toxicity. Objectification was part of the culture as leadership would pass around pictures of new team members, not to highlight their skills but to “bask in their beauty.” My personal appearance was commented on daily—from my hair to my clothing to my face. Outside of objectification, there was the belittling of women and occasional name-calling and shouting matches. You know, it was a classy work space (sarcasm intended).

“Visually appealing, but underneath it all, there was something festering! My singleness became a big focus. I started to feel like it was a “burden” on the business and my boss’ sole purpose was to free me from it!”

Or maybe it was to block one particular person from sniffing around…

Enter in The Spouse. I’m not really sure what work they did, but they always seemed to be around the office and talking about their past life adventures. One thing was for sure, The Spouse was very charismatic and you knew without a doubt, he was the life of every party in college.

After being introduced to The Spouse, they also developed an interest in my love life, even cornering me at a work party to get my number to “give to a guy” they thought I should be set up with. Actually, my boss saw this cornering happen and came over to ask what we were doing. It felt like I had done something wrong, when really, I was just trying to leave the party. Oh and FYI, this guy The Spouse wanted to introduce me to never contacted me.

“The Spouse, however, started texting me randomly, asking about my love life.”

I was vague in my responses to keep the communication short. At this point, I thought it was weird, but this wasn’t the first married person who had acted like this. There wasn’t really anything he had done wrong besides the weird vibe I got, so I ignored my gut and didn’t think much of his texts.

Then, following a text about work, The Spouse asked if I wanted to grab dinner. I assumed it was with them and my boss. It’s the only thing that made sense. Why would I say no? Didn’t want my job to be on the line. So, I said yes!

Later that day, I went on a third date with a guy my friend had set me up with. While we were driving to a Christmas market I was filling him in on my day. I casually said, “Yeah, and then my boss’ spouse texted me and invited me to dinner.” My words hung in silence for a couple of beats before he said, “Why is your boss’ spouse texting you?”

I mean, that was an excellent question. I mentioned The Spouse had tried to set me up with someone and that’s how they got my number. My date, without skipping a beat, said, “That’s weird!”

He wasn’t wrong! Later that night I was debriefing my date with my sister (whose good friend dated my date in high school… my life is truly a sitcom). I mentioned the whole dinner invite by The Spouse and she agreed, it was weird. She also went one step further and told me to cancel! Make any excuse and cancel. 

“I started feeling sick about the whole thing. The next day, I went into work and nonchalantly mentioned the dinner plans to my boss. My hope was that my boss would say, “Oh yes! The Spouse and I are looking forward to it.”

I was wrong.”

My boss’ demeanor completely changed. They became agitated and said something passive like, “Interesting! That’s the first I’ve heard of it.” Simultaneously, there was a hurt on their face that made my heart ache. The little voice that had been quietly nudging me over the last 24 hours started screaming, “See! Retreat! Get out of this dinner!”

My boss walked away from my desk and proceeded to wreak chaos the rest of the day. They criticized everything I did, which wasn’t necessarily out of character but this was on a different playing field. I could tell it wasn’t about my work. It was about me.

I messaged The Spouse that night and made an excuse about not being able to make it. They didn’t text me again and my boss went back to just casually criticizing me.

That is until… I quit. The Spouse texted me to say I'd be missed. I have never been more happy to leave a job!

Editor’s Note: I ran into The Spouse a while later. They avoided eye contact with me and the only reason we even interacted was because I was with people they knew. The minute The Spouse left, my friends started commenting about how weird he was acting. He was quiet and reserved. So much for the charismatic life of the party!

I sat back and let them try to figure out why The Spouse acted so weird. I knew why. We know why.