When I was eight years old, I sat in a hair salon chair with my back to the mirror staring at my mom’s worried face. I had come for a haircut because my curls had become “unmanageable.” When the hairdresser finished, she swivelled the chair around and I gawked at my hair that had been cut like Jonathan Taylor Thomas’ teenage boy look on the tv show, Home Improvement. It was the 90s, I lived in a small town, and so this was (supposedly) the only solution. I cried. From that day forward, random fully grown adults would call me a boy. It has stuck with me to this day, because it was the moment I began to believe I wasn’t worthy. This thought later translated into not being worthy of another’s affection. I didn’t seem to have the look or personality worthy enough. 

It’s funny the things we pick up as children and how we process them in our ever-evolving minds. Though this story has started bleak, this is not the feeling throughout this two-part series. 

This meetCUTE is a love story.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, even to my own detriment. I believe people are mainly good, so I’m rarely suspicious. This was until I went to therapy and realized I had lost faith in my instincts after a decade of gaslighting (those stories to come). During this particular story of deception, I was relearning how to listen to my gut. There was a little voice at the back of my mind, quietly nudging me, but I took The Spouse at face value. I didn’t think a Christian could be so sneaky. 

Honestly, after being in the church for most of my life, you think I would have known better! 

Let’s dig in.

Set-ups feel like they are something of the past. As the years age and working-from-home becomes more known, meeting others organically or through friends seems further from the norm. Yet, here I was, in the middle of a set-up. 

He was a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend! There were a lot of connections that made this blind date possible, including my friend being the middle person. She did say, “I know nothing about this guy besides my friend vouching for him.” Since her friend was a woman, I thought I could trust this vouch from a stranger. Little did I know, I was about to learn an important lesson.

I rarely make stupid choices. I’m meticulous at measuring outcomes and risk assessing before making decisions. But when I do make those not-so-favourable choices, they are truly the stupidest!

Let’s rewind to lowrise jeans, doubled-up tank tops, embellished denim, and crop tops. Yes, I’m talking about the early 2000s, though those fashion trends are randomly back in fashion. It was 2006 and I was fresh off of a trip to Guatemala. And by trip I mean a Christian missionary trip where we helped build a retaining wall for a school in an area prone to mudslides. It was an experience I cherish to this day.

The time has finally come! ‘Tis the week before Christmas and all through the house, laptops are closing, Prosecco is popping, and cheesy Christmas movies are being watched. Even though this blog is meant for tales of my personal relationships, today is destined for the meet cutes we know and love (kind of) on the big screen.

Have you ever been ghosted by a friend? I have. Multiple times. Some of my favourite meet cutes have been with my friends, but not all have lasted this far. It’s a tough thing to write about this phenomenon of friendship. It’s multi-faceted and deeply part of our lives. Yet, here I sit ready to disclose a meet cute turned unrequited. *big sigh* But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t challenge myself to be vulnerable, so here we go…

I won’t sugarcoat this story. It’s heartbreaking. Even as I prepare to write it, I worry what they will think of me. It was many years of my life that I invested in this relationship, so it will take some time for me to not wonder what they think. I am a recovering people pleaser! I’m also learning to forgive—to not let them live rent-free in my head.

Someone told me once that assumptions steal choice. For so many years, I’ve made decisions based on what I thought people wanted me to do or what I thought was best for them. The key in that sentence is “thought,” the sister to “assumed.” I didn’t realize how much I was taking away someone’s choice by making decisions solely based on assumptions. I now know that this has hindered my dating life in many, many ways. We all make mistakes, especially in dating, and this meet cute story was my big mess.